I figured out why relationships have "chemistry" if the people are meant for each other

EVERYTHING in relationships connects to chemistry.  I figured this out the other day when I had an epiphany in chem.  It all makes sense now!

Atoms
Each atom is a person.  Atoms are all different elements, and the element that you are determines your personality type (physical and chemical properties).  Some atoms lose electrons when they bond,  and gain a positive charge.  These are called cations, and they are the girls.  Because girls are often described as "catty".  An guys are the ones that gain electrons, having a negative charge, called anions.  "Anion" reminds me of "onion" and it seems fitting because I hear guys can sometimes make you cry.

Bonding
This is when the atoms form a relationship.  A normal metal-nonmetal bond is when electrons are tranfered and the cation and anion bond.  There are also covalent bonds, when two nonmetals bond, and a metallic bond, when two metals bond.  These would be gay and lesbian couples.  Transgendered atoms are the metalloids, because they have some properties of metals and some of nonmetals.  Polyatomic compounds are polygamists.

Atoms bond together based on several things.  The first thing they notice is physical appearance, that is, how many valence electrons do they have and whether that is compatible with themselves.  If a guy knows he only gets along with girls with green eyes, he's not going to pay much romantic attention to a girl with brown eyes.  If an atom has the wrong number of valence electrons that don't match up with yours, they generally don't bond.  The Noble Gases, who have a full outer shell of valence electrons, almost never bond (except Xenon occasionally).  These atoms are asexual and don't look to form any sort of relationship.

Polarity
This is when bond are polar.
Could you have guess that yourself?  Good job!  I like being the one to point out the obvious.
Polar means that one atom in the compound pulls the electrons closer to it than the other atoms, thus creating an unequal sharing of electrons and giving one part of the compound a slightly negative charge, and the other a slightly positive charge.  This has to do with something called electronegativity, which I won't get into.  But nonmetals (guys) are the most electronegative on the periodic table.

Do you think that's true?  Who is more controlling in a relationship - the girl or guy?  I think it can go either way, so this is one situation in which the periodic table hasn't proved to be totally accurate.  (By the way, in covalent and metallic bonds, they are almost never polar.  Apparently gay couples generally don't have one clearly dominant portion)

Attraction
In atoms, there is something called the "octet rule" that basically says that atoms bond because they are driven by the determination to have 8 valence electrons in their outer shell, to gain full stability.   This is one place where I don't fully trust my chem teacher, because how do we know what atoms want?  On that note, how can atoms "want" anything considering they have no brain and are nothing but a non-sentient pile of subatomic particles?  There is no "want".

But anyway, there is a connection to real relationships in this.  Too often, people are looking for a relationship because they need someone to "complete" them, like the atoms.  I have factual evidence for this statement in a song by the queen of pop culture: Katy Perry

"I finally found you
My missing puzzle piece
I'm complete"

                                 --Teenage Dream

But this is so totally not true.  Relationships are formed by two whole people and you are looking for someone to compliment you, NOT complete you.  This is a connection in which we are similar to chemistry, but we shouldn't be, because when the person "completes" you, that just leads to dominance in the relationship, and polarity (see above).

So basically, the whole point of this is, if you're ever in doubt of what to do in a relationship, turn to the Periodic Table for advice!  It's always there to provide love and support, even if your bond partner was broken apart from you.

I could write about the new Duke and Duchess of Cambridge but...nah

I've already written a SparkLife post about the Royal Wedding, and it's not getting anymore coverage from me.  Kate and her new hubby can go kiss on the balcony all they want and look all sweet and couple-y.  It's cool and all but this is getting more attention that.... I can't think of an example.  So sort of horrible disaster.  Aren't there tornadoes in Alabama right now?  No one cares about the poor Alabamians because they'll all baking scones and speaking in British accents (yes, I did both today).

But anywho, let's get down to business.
TO DEFEAT THE HUNS!

...ummm ahem.  What?  I didn't say anything.  But yea, times are tough.  I had to correct my brother because he seemed to think today was the anniversary of the Haymarket Square Riot in 1886, when a bomb went off in Chicago.  A bunch of anarchists were convicted without much evidence, and it was a drawback for the advancement of labor unions.  But he's WRONG.  It was on May 4.

...I have to babysit in like 10 minutes.  I'm thinking about that and I can't even be funny.  I knew there was something funny I wanted to say, but it slipped my mind.  Now everyone will think I'm a loser.
I like bananas!
And I only know how to spell that because Gwen Stefani taught me.

Other things I've learned from songs:
There are 86,400 seconds in a day. ("Live Like We're Dying" -Kris Allen)
There are 525,600 minutes in a year. ("Seasons of Love" from Rent)

Whoa!  Kris Allen sings that song???  As in the American Idol dude who beat Adam Lambert, who is awesome?  That's to bad, because I totally hayed Kris Allen because he didn't have any good songs.  But now my life has been a lie.  This is not fair.  Now I don't have a suitable reason for hating him for beating Adam Lambert.

My mind has been taken over by a little parasite called "history"

I keep blogging about APUSH.  You're probably so sick or it by now that you want to reach through the screen and strangle me if I mention that abbreviation once more.  If so, that's awesome!  It means I'm not alone in my misery.  It also means I find joy in your suffering.  So ha.

Anyway, we have a new girl in APUSH today.  From Florida.  A week and a half before the AP exam.  Wow.  I feel kind of bad for her, because our class is so completely unlike any other class ever.  Extremely unstructured, weird, and crazy.

But if you want proof (or "factual evidence" as we say in history) of us being total nerds, we introduced ourselves by going around and saying our names and favorite historical figure.

Mine?  Guess, and I'll tell ya later.

Notable moments:

"So then Ronald Reagan gets elected and he destroys all the evil Commies with his sword.  Write that on the AP exam!  'Ronald Reagan destroyed the Commies with his sword.' "
"So it's like Teddy Roosevelt's Big Stick, except sharper?"

"Fighting in Korea was nothing but America defending its overinflated ego.  The big, bad Soviet bullies were trying to take our toy truck in the sandbox, and man, we were gonna get them back because WE are the sandbox bullies and they had better not challenge us!"

"I think what we've agreed upon here is that the best policy is to always lie to the American people, and you're golden."

"At one point in the arms race, the US and Soviets combined had enough nuclear weaponry to blow up the Earth eleven times."
"What?  That makes no sense...why blow it up eleven times?  That's stupid."
"So you don't care if the world gets blown up, so long as it only happens once?  This is why the future is doomed."

History Can Be Amusing

So we're talking about Cold War and atomic bombs in APUSH.
An interesting point came up - H-Bombs are hydrogen bombs.  Is it possible to make a bomb out of fluorine?
Because then we would be dropping F-bombs.

Hahahaha :)

I Missed Easter!

You may notice I have a thing for posting on holidays.  Automatic subject, without even thinking!  But I missed Easter.  Oops.  I was too busy going on Facebook.

I gave up Facebook for Lent.  Lent is the 40 days before Easter where you give up something you like, to show God how much you love God and are willing to make sacrifices for God.  And so on.  So I gave up Facebook.  It was a long, trying 40 days, with my friends getting mad at me because they had no idea how to communicate with me now.  I lived in a lonely little cave in the Arctic Circle for 40 days, for all they knew.

But I got back yesterday.  Oh joyous joys!  It was exhilarating.  Profound.  I found new meaning with my life.  Everything changed as my pinky hovered above the "enter" key as soon as I had keyed my email and password into the little blue box.

Not really.  It was cool to be back.  Things changed.  I had 263 pending notifications.  Yay!

Do you like my short sentences today?  Some are fragments.  Good.  Useful devices.  But it can be easy to overuse them.  Not that I'm guilty of that.  Nope.  Not me.  No way.

A few updates:
- I dyed the tips of my hair pink!  Except, I have brown hair, and I didn't beach it first, so it's pretty dull.  I like it like that better.  Not as shocking.
- I have a ridiculous amount of homework.  I shouldn't be here right now.  The APUSH exam is in 11 DAYS!!! I might just implode from the stress of it all.  Oh yeah, and I have to make a hot air balloon for chemistry.  Out of tissue paper.  This is so stupid.
-  I will go now, and study for APUSH, because I'm a nerd with no life.  After the exam we've planned a party where the whole class can come to eat ice cream and cry.  It'll be exhilarating.

Driver's Ed - Legal Waterboarding

I don't actually really know what waterboarding is, but I do believe it's illegal.  And a form of torture.  Driver's Ed is similar to waterboarding in that in waterboarding, water gets poured on your face to make you think you're drowning.  In Driver's Ed, you wish there was water being poured on your face because it might help you stay awake.
Okay, I'm sorry.  I've clearly been extremely insensitive by comparing Driver's Ed to torture.  Look at me, the worst part of my life is that I have to spend 30 hours of my school vacation week in a tiny classroom with 40 teens who I don't know and some of them smell like smoke, listening to Mr. Monotone drone on about car insurance.
Okay, it's not fun.  But I'd rather be there than be waterboarded.  Happy?

But it's not so bad, because I'm able to plan other things during class.  Like think up some sort of business plan for a scholarship due in 10 days.  Or catch up on APUSH reading.  Or watch everyone around me texting.

The most fun part, I think, was today, when I was taking notes on what Mr. Monotone was saying about hydroplaning.  The girl next to me was texting, and copying my notes.  She didn't know I knew, until I took some more notes, except these said "I know you're reading my notes." with a sketchy smiley face.  She didn't copy again.  It was highly amusing.

By the way, I'm not calling the teacher Mr. Monotone to be mean.  It's just what I decided to refer to him as, considering he hasn't actually told us his name.  No joke.

Day of Silence

Today is Day of Silence.  I'm not certain what it exactly represents, but it's for gay awareness.  At our school, the GSA handed out ribbons.
Black - No talking until you get home
Purple - No talking until final bell
White -  I have to talk, but I support the cause

I was a wimp, I took white.  I did purple last year, but I had double APUSH today, and since last week my teacher flipped out saying that we weren't discussing enough and letting just a few kids lead the discussions, I've been trying to contribute as much as possible.  I totally would have gone with purple or black if it wasn't for history.  Stupid APUSH.

Speaking of which, that's why I'm so stressed right now.  The AP exam is in three freaking weeks.  That's it.  We got study guides toady.  Some kids wrote "Holy Bible" on theirs because it'll be their sacred book for the next 3 weeks.  I wrote "The Cause of my Premature Death" on mine.  I'll assume you can figure out why.

I drew a picture to illustrate the concept of me dying from history.  But the drawing sucked (more than usual) and it was depressing to draw my own funeral.  It's all history's fault.

I told my friend that if I die, its her duty as my best friend to sue my teacher for manslaughter or whatever you call it, because clearly he is a cause of my demise.  She didn't respond, because she was wearing a purple ribbon.

UPDATE:
Okay, I just noticed I tagged this post as "Things I hate".  I was referring to APUSH.  I was just re-reading it and realized it might sound like I hate the Day of Silence.  Not true.  I totally support gay rights, don't get me wrong.  Sorry about any confusions.

The World Explained in Charts (PART II)

I do like charts.  They are a logical, mathematical, way to make sense of this crazy world we call home.  Doesn't life seem so much simpler now that you can assign everything a value and stick it in a chart?

The World Explained in Charts

No, I swear I did not steal these off some site.  I do have a little bit of wit and awesomeness inside of me, and these beautiful graphs are a result of that.
Surprises you, huh?  I can be cool once in a while, ya know?  So enjoy the fruits of my labor.  If I get any more ideas I might make a second post, if anyone expresses any interest in these graphs that took me make grueling hours to complete for your benefit, I might consider making more.  Maybe.

 YAY!  Charts are fun!

What do I expect? It's a Monday

Note: I wrote this yesterday and forgot to post it.  Just pretend today is Monday.  Or whatever.

"I hate Mondays."

--Garfield

I think the words of a fat orange cat pretty much sum up my day in three words.  My day, in no particular order of time, good or bad, or anything.*

• My bus smelled like bacon.
• At our lunch table, my friends and I compared compasses (we're not that nerdy, I swear!)
• In history, we decided it would be a good plan to go around the room and share intensely sad personal stories.
• In English, we added "No undressing each other" to our list of class rules (we have 52 so far).
• I was told by an online career quiz that I would make a good trash collector.
• There are no index cards in my entire house.

In the words of the same wise cat quoted above:

"Look on the bright side, at least Monday only happens once a week."

*You should know that.  Clearly, Wikipedia states "guidelines advocate using a bulleted list only where the list items are unordered."  We all know Wikipedia is always right.

I'm Not Even Going To Try

I could try to be all cool and sneaky and get out some lie about such and such but it's not going to work.  You know it's April Fools Day.  We all do.  I won't get anything past you.  I'm not even going to try.

It snowed this morning.  We all thought it was some huge prank pulled by the weathermen, but it wasn't.  but school wasn't even canceled.  Bummer.

So yeah.  This is a boring post.  Go somewhere else for funny pranks.  Yes, you can leave now.
But wait!  Look what I found in my paper this morning!

A Few Crazy Conversation Snippets

#1

[In the car.  Katy Perry's "Firework" comes on the radio]

Katy Perry: "Do you ever feel like a plastic bag, drifting through the wind, wanting to start again?"

Mom: What a weird analogy.  No, I can't say I've ever felt like a plastic bag.

[An hour later, at Stop&Shop]

Cashier: Would you like paper or plastic bag?

Mom: Plastic please.

Me: You mean, you feel like a plastic bag today?

#2

[At checkout at Target]

Sister: I wish I had a pet polar bear.

Me: That was random.

Sister: But I do, ya know? ...hey! You could get me a pet polar bear when you go to Alaska this summer!

Me: There are no polar bears left in Alaska.  Sarah Palin shot them all.

Cashier: Right you are.

#3

This one is best described in prose.  So I was walking down the hall at school when I go by this couple locking a fierce game of tonsil hockey.  Whatever.  A few seconds later, I hear a voice behind me.  I turn to see this tiny freshman girl ranting at the couple.  I hear a snippets like, "OMG thats so disgusting, why are you doing that in the hall?" and "I mean, seriously, it gross, and no one wants to see it, okay?".  It's all I can do not to burst out laughing right there.  Way to go freshman girl for saying whats on your mind.  It made my day.

Sharing is Caring

...which is why I am sharing this absolutely beautiful screenshot with you all today.  Except I edited it out to hide my name (because I'm logged in to Gmail) and all my weird bookmarks.
This is why Google hates us.

Excellent "Missing" Signs

Disclaimer: I didn't take these photos.  I wish, though! :D
Source: Bizarre Signs

I do enjoy stating the obvious.  High-five to this person.

Yes, I can be obsessed about ninjas sometimes.  Don't judge.

I wish I had a pet cloud named Mr. Wisples...

What's with all the self esteem songs?

I"m a huge fan of self-esteem.  Don't get me wrong.  I'm not annoyed by aforementioned self-esteem songs.  Just curious.  What started this self-esteem craze in the music industry?

Most of you are probably slamming your heads on the screen in frustration, wondering what the hell I'm talking about.  So, recently I noticed a trend: a ton of songs by popular artists focus on self-esteem and inner beauty.

I think it all started with good ol' Bruno Mars.  Just The Way You Are is a great song about a guy who loves his girlfriend no matter what she looks like.  The kind of thing we all want to hear, right?  It makes you feel nice and warm and fuzzy inside.

"When I see your face

There's not a thing that I would change

Cause you're amazing

Just the way you are"

Next up, comes Katy Perry with Firework, a fabulous song comparing feeling lonely to feeling like a plastic bag.  Yep.  That's Katy Perry for ya.  But it's the thought that counts, right?

"You don't have to feel like a waste of space

You're original, cannot be replaced

If you only knew what the future holds

After a hurricane comes a rainbow"

Right up next is P!nk, or P-exclamation point-nk, as I refer to her, with Perfect (clean version).  It's typical Pink music, but the lyrics are, well, self-esteemy.

"Pretty, pretty please

If you ever, ever feel

Like you’re nothing

You are perfect to me"

And finally, Lady Gaga gets in on the happy-song bandwagon with Born This Way, and I really do love that song.  I'm usually meh about Lady Gaga, her songs are decent and catchy but I don't love them, but I do like Born This Way a lot.  Don't know why.  Just because.
It's not only self-esteemy but also tolerance-promoting.  She sticks in some lines about racial and gay tolerance, which I think is great.  Maybe hearing it from her will help spread tolerance.
Though I do want to point out how much Lady Gaga sounds like Madonna.  When I first heard this song on the radio, I totally thought it was Madonna.  Strange.

"I'm beautiful in my way,

'Cause God makes no mistakes

I'm on the right track, baby

I was born this way

Don't hide yourself in regret,

Just love yourself and you're set

I'm on the right track, baby

I was born this way"

I was debating whether to throw Sara Bareilles' "King of Anything" in, but I;m not sure if it quite fits the pattern.  Maybe...

And that ends all the popular songs I can think of that are following the self-esteem route.  Let me know if I missed any.  Maybe later we can talk about all the marriage songs.  I mean, Bruno Mars, Train, anyone?

Just Killed Multitudes of Brain Cells

I don't know what got into my - some strange urge driving me to watch the song that everyone has been bashing.  Yes, you know the one: Friday, by Rebecca Black.

Everyone else on the Interweb has already stabbed this song to pieces with blunt coat hangers, then charred the remnants on a gas grill and left it out for the raccoons, so there's not much I can say about this song's atrocity that you haven't already heard.  Did she really think I wasn't sure that Thursday came before Friday, or Sunday came after Saturday?  Why is it so hard to choose a seat in the car?  Why is there a car anyway, if they're in like middle school?  But I won't go on, though I could for hours.  This song is just wrong.  It shouldn't even exist, it's so terrifyingly horrible.

This is the kind of thing that makes me fear for the fate of humanity.

I'm not Irish, but you can kiss me anyway

Seriously.

But yes, today is the excellent day devoted to St. Patty.  He is Irish.  And a saint.  And likes the color green.  And that's about all I know.

Actually, I don't know much about the Irish in general either....I will list all the facts I know about the Irish.  Here:

• They like the color green
• They are short and have red beards, and give away gold at the ends of rainbows
• They once had a notable lack of potatoes
• They like beer
• They dislike the Brits
• They have a Boston basketball team named after them

Any Irish readers out there, I wouldn't mind a couple Irish facts to add to my collection!
Today is the day to honor the Irish.  We all wear green.  We might do other things too, but I don't know what they are.  I'm not Irish, remember?  I just used toady as an excuse to wear my fantastic bright neon green tank top.  And some green bead necklaces that I borrowed from my friend.
Other than that, I can't recall anything that made today very Irish-y.  What a ripoff.

P.S.  To see an amazing, beautiful Venn Diagram depicting my feelings on this holiday click this link right here.
P.P.S.  On a very random note, I wonder who Mr. Venn is, the one who invented Venn Diagrams.  I'd like to meet him sometime, he seems like an interesting guy.

Has made dinosuar cookies

So my sister and I made some dinosaur cookies the other day.  We found these dinosaur-shaped cookie cutters in the back of the closet - I couldn't resist!  These go way high up there on my list of dinosaur things I love.  I LOVE the Kraft dinosaur-shaped mac n cheese, but those have to be eaten by the spoonful.  Dinosaur cookies, on the other hand, can be made to fight each other while slowly being devoured limb by limb.  This is best when you follow my example and add sound effects as well.  It is extremely rewarded to be growling and munching cookies while having they attack each other.  I highly recommend the experience.

It got me thinking about dinosaurs.  I mean, why are there no more left?  Clearly, natural selection is cruel, because dinosaurs are far cooler than chipmunks or snakes or whatever we currently have.  If you think about it, natural selection is pretty smart.  It gave us platypi and bananas and turtles.  Clearly, it has good judgment, and would have left the dinosaurs for us.  Which leaves the idea that...

Pickles Will Kill You

The truth has been revealed about the murderous nature of pickles.
Not by me.  I didn't write this.  I "borrowed" it from this website.

Every pickle you eat brings you closer to death.  Amazingly, the "thinking man" has failed to grasp the terrifying significance of the term, "in a pickle." Pickles are associated with all the major diseases of the body. Eating them breeds wars and communism.  They can be related to most airline tragedies.  Auto accidents are caused by pickles.  There exists a positive relationship between crime waves and consumption of this fruit of the curcurbit family.  For example:

• Nearly all sick people have eaten pickles.  The effects are obviously cumulative. 
• 99.9% of all people who die from cancer have eaten pickles.
• 100% of all soldiers have eaten pickles. 
• 96.8% of all communist sympathizers have eaten pickles. 
• 99.7% of the people involved in air and auto accidents ate pickles within 14 days preceding the accident. 
• 93.1% of juvenile deliquents come from homes where pickles are served. 

Evidence points to long term effects of eating pickles:

• Of the people born in 1839 who later dined on pickles, there has been a mortality rate of 100%.
• All pickle eaters born between 1908 and 1918 have wrinkled skin, have lost most of their teeth, have brittle bones, and failing eyesight--if the ills of eating pickles have not already caused their death. 

Even more convincing is the report of a noted team of medical specialists:
Rats force-fed with 20 pounds of pickles per day for 30 days developed bulging abdomens.  Their appetites for wholesome food were destroyed.

In spite of all the evidence, pickles growers and packers continue to spread their evil.  More than 120,000 acres of fertile US soil are devoted to growing pickles.  Our per capita consumption is 4 pounds.

Eat orchid petal soup.  Practically no one has as many problems from eating orchid petal soup as they do from eating pickles.

Yes, I'm a Girl Scout. Don't Stereotype me!

So I spent the weekend on a Girl Scout ski trip in Vermont.  You know, that state above Massachusetts that looks like a trapezoid?  That's the one.  I hear they are famous for maple syrup.  Maybe something else too, but I forget.

Did you even read those sentences about me bashing Vermont?  Probably not, because you're still thinking, ZOMG, she's a GIRL SCOUT?? Like, those second graders that sell cookies door-to-door?  Wow, fail.

Well, you're wrong.  So ha.  I'm a Girl Scout, and we are awesome.  For example, view a sampling of our weekend activities:

Dance Party: Yep.  We blasted "Cha Cha Slide" and "Cotton Eye Joe" and got the entire house totally into it.  Fantastic.

Skiing: This was, ya know, the whole point of our weekend ski trip.  Some of the highlights were when my fellow Girl Scouts and I would ski down the slope with our poles straight up screaming/singing "I throw my hands up in the air sometimes..." - and got people to join in.
Not to mention that it was Mardi Gras weekend, and they were giving out those little colorful bead necklaces.  So we did what everyone was doing, and what any awesome teenager would do - tossed them in the trees on the way up the chairlift.


Ping-Dodge: This is like ping-pong, except slightly more vicious.  And when I say slightly, I mean very.  Basically, we all just chuck ping-pong balls at each other.  It only got dangerous when someone got the bright idea to throw the paddles as well.  We drew the line at pool balls, however.

Capture the Flag:  Your basic game except it was pitch back out, with no flashlights.  It was all well and good until a large wooden post fell on my sister.  You don't really want to know.

Food: We left a bag of M&Ms in the kitchen, and whenever we walked through we would grab a handful.

Don't you dare say that Girl Scouts are stupid.  Clearly, we had a more epic weekend then you did.  Deal with it, or I might "forget" to deliver your cookies.