Wednesday, January 26, 2011

I hate the Interweb

My plan:
  1. Go on computer
  2. Go to school webpage
  3. Find guidance counselor e-mail address
  4. E-mail guidance couselor about schedule changes
  5. Get off computer, do homework
What actually happened:
  1. Go on computer
  2. Go to school webpage
  3. Open Gmail and Facebook while school webpage is loading
  4. Check notifications, read new e-mails
  5. Start G-chatting with friend
  6. Get annoyed I can't find my guidance counselor's e-mail address
  7. Check SparkLife and xkcd to relieve tension
  8. Remember I haven't checked my awesome blog in a few days
  9. Notice the tempting StumbleUpon link on my bookmarks
  10. I can't believe I just wasted an hour stumbling
  11. Go back to school webpage to feign doing work
  12. Hey - it's actually right here! The e-mail address!
  13. Compose e-mail to counselor
  14. Start another G-chat while on Gmail
  15. Father threatens to cut internet connection
I swear I'm not addicted. I'm just...distracted easily.

But there is one good thing that came out of it. As a gift to all you excellent readers out there, here are two excellent photos and such that I discovered whilst Stumbling.

It happened again, but here are two more lovely picture for ya.

Friday, January 21, 2011

This is what this blog is all about

Being wacky and weird.
Being awesome and epic.
Being so amazing that you pour chocolate sauce on pancakes.

Because these here pancakes are DRIZZLED IN AWESOMENESS

Thursday, January 20, 2011

If water guns are any indicator, I should be kept far away from any sort of weaponry

I have decided what to spend my Amazon gift card on. I got it for Christmas and have spent the last 20 or whatever days scouring Amazon for epic things to buy. I've made lists, pro/con tables, pie charts, bar graphs, and spent many hours deliberating on this very important question - if you had $20 and could buy anything (I swear, Amazons sells EVERYTHING), what would you buy?

Well, I've finally come to a conclusion. I'm buying a marshmallow gun.

I'm not sure if this is the wisest choice for someone like me, who only realized last week that Hershey's kisses are nothing but large chocolate chips. Whenever my sister and I would play with water guns as kids, one of us would end up in tears. It's not our fault. We just played a slightly more vicious game of water-gun hide-and-seek than other children.

And then we got the laser guns. They're like the ones in LazerZone, except you don't need a stupid outfit. you just shoot each other's guns with invisible laser beams. Pretty epic. Except...they also came with mini-missiles to fire at people.

I'm sorry, okay!! I wasn't aiming for her face!!

And then there was that time when we toured Fort Sumter in Charleston, SC. First, you should know that I'm part monkey. I'm rather obsessed with climbing on things. Like Civil War-era cannons, for instance.
It didn't go off, luckily, but I think it was a close call. I doubt they would have been pleased if it had. I mean, the place is already destroyed, and the museum people wouldn't have appreciated it if it had been doubly blown up. would have been kind of cool, though. They would have talked about me at the museum. "And then, our lovely monument was blown sky-high by some crazy teenager who thought the cannon was a trampoline."

Despite my history with weaponry, I'm buying myself a gun that shoots marshmallows across the room. Can you name anything more epic? Yeah, I thought not.

Monday, January 10, 2011

Ratios and Doctors

I went to the doctor's today. A little while ago, I reported to you all that I'm sick. Turns out I had pneumonia. Don't back away like that! I looked it up on Wikipedia and it's not contagious via the Internet. You're safe.

I'm all good and cured now, so I went back for a follow-up appointment. To check and make sure that I'm not dead or anything. And I discovered something:

I hate waiting in doctor's offices.

First there's all the sick people around you, with germs floating everywhere. I just got better, 'kay? Not to mention that doctors Always Run Late.

So I spent my hour devising a lovely mathematical formula to tell you how competent your doctor office is. Here it is:

   Time spent waiting   
Length of appointment

My appointment consisted of the doctor listening to my breathing for thirty seconds and declaring me cured. So I'll plug in my numbers to show you how this handy formula works:

50 minutes
1.5 minutes

Any mathy nerds like me out there have already whipped out their graphing calculators and simplified this. Or done it in your head. Whatever. The answer, by the way, is 33.3333.
Now look on the chart to see your results:
<1 - That's good! Give your doctor's office an A+++
1-2 - Eh. Not terrible. Depends on how long your appointment is.
3-5 - That's pretty bad.
6-10 - This is the average for my doctor's office.
>10 - Wow, that's REALLY slow.
>30 - FAIL.

Notice which category my wait today falls into?

Saturday, January 8, 2011

Why I Love Marketing

'Nuff said:

Thursday, January 6, 2011

One Of Life's Mysteries: Solved!

I am here to take a large load off your shoulders.

*takes load off of your shoulders*

There, that feels better, doesn't it? Hey...why do I have your backpack?? I was talking about a  figurative load; I don't want this...

In case you were wondering, the figurative load that you have just been relieved of is one that has been haunting you since childhood. An impossible question, suddenly made possible by yours truly.

Tell me, which came first, the chicken or the egg?

Actually, to scholars of history, this is quite a simple question. Straightforward. At least, compared to the "Assess whether the Panic of 1837 was Andrew Jackson's lasting legacy as president of the USA" question that I got on my recent APUSH test. At lease the question I just posed to you does not contain the words "assess", "analyze", "evaluate", "to what extent", or something similar.

Got the answer yet? I promise you there is one. And it's not tricky either. It is one of the two options in the question. No hidden strings.

My favorite part of this picture is are the crowd silhouettes. I was quite proud of them.
Stuck? Okay, the answer is....*drumroll*....the egg.

I could just end the post right here, you know. That would be cruel of me, but funny. I'd leave you lost in a forest of confusion, wandering around bumping into trees thinking "Why is it the egg? WHY?"

Because, my friends, dinosaur eggs were around far before chickens.

Life's mystery: solved! Cross that one off your bucket list!

Snippet of my Bucket List
42. Solve a Rubik's Cube
43. Figure out that stupid question about chickens and eggs
44. Blow up a marshmallow in the microwave
45. Ride a cow

Some people have argued that I'm slipping through loopholes, and the real question means chicken eggs. In that case, it was obviously the chicken that came first. Chicken dinosaurs* were around waaaayy before chicken eggs.

*Chicken Dinosaur [chik-un di-noe-sawr] n. A dinosaur that is a chicken, or a scared, cowardly dinosaur. (ex. When danger reared its ugly head, the chicken dinosaur turned and fled.)

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Kudos To Crowne Plaza

I love the Crowne Plaza. In case you don't know, they're a hotel. They might be a chain. Probably. But I only know of one, and its the most epic hotel ever. I know this even though I've never stayed there.

The particular hotel in question is on top of the Mass Pike, which happens to be in the wonderful state of Massachusetts. Ya know, hence the "Mass". That's the first epic thing about this hotel. The Mass Pike goes under this hotel. Which is cool for a person from Nowhereville, MA, like me.
Sure, Shaw's is on top of the Mass Pike too, but who likes Shaw's??

But the position of this hotel is not even the reason I'm writing this, even though it is rather amazing. No, the reason is this:
Can you even figure out what this is a picture of? Yeah, I thought not. My friends, this is what a hotel looks like when you take a picture of it with a cell phone camera while going 70 mph on the Mass Pike.

This is a picture I stole from Google images. I'll apologize in advance for any copyright whatevers. But, believe it or not, the following picture and the picture above are of the very same hotel on the very same day:
I'll add, that "very same day" happened to be just a few days before Christmas. Those little boxes of yellow light are hotel rooms. For the literacy challenged, they spell the word, "JOY".
Can you now see why I love this hotel?

So my mom and brother and I, we oohed and ahhed as we drove under the hotel. We were pretty impressed. I took a picture. And I would have forgotten about this experience, except...
This one is also awful, and I couldn't find a Google replacement, so I will have to set the scene for those who cannot decipher my poor cell-phone-camera photography.

Date: January 2, 2011
Time: Nighttime. Hence, you know, the darkness.
Place: Crowne Plaza Hotel. Mass Pike.
Description: One day after New Year's, a girl, her sister, and her mother were driving on the Mass Pike. The girl was moody that her Radio Privileges had been revoked after they heard the same song three times (It was a good song!). Her sister was singing in the backseat to some pop song. She grouchily stared out the windshield only to be dazzled by the beauty of the thing before her. Behold! The Crowne Plaza hotel, which she had seen just a week earlier, now back with a new message! She frantically dug out her phone and took a crappy picture to commemorate the moment forever. The End.

And that, my friends, is why I love Crowne Plaza hotel.

Sunday, January 2, 2011

Welcome to 2011

Welcome to the first post of 2011.

Now, just to spoil the mood, let's remind ourselves that this will be the last complete year of our lives. Ya know, because the world will end Dec. 21, 2012.
Right. Bring it on, Mayans.
Thing I find most interesting is this - I've lived during two different millenniums, two different centuries, and three different decades!
Personally, I find that rather impressive.

Enough rambling about deep stuff like how cool it is that I've lived forever. How was your New Year's Eve?

I rather liked mine. I went to FirstNight Boston. Which is, um, in Boston. Yeah. I walked in the parade. Actually, stiltwalked, with my circus school. Fairly amazing, considering there were about 100 thousand people, at least, watching me and cheering me on. I guess that was what it feels like to be a celebrity.

Then I sat on a police car. Like, on top of the car. Ever done that? I thought not. I imagine it would be hard to get to if you didn't have five-foot legs. Sure, they yelled at us and stuff, but it was cool while it lasted. I can cross that off my bucket list.

Snippet of my Bucket List
76. Climb Bamboo Trees in China
77. Learn to juggle
78. Sit on top of a police car
79. Go out for movies and Chinese food on Christmas Day

After that awesomeness, I nearly starved to death waiting 45 minutes to eat at Uno's.
I don't really mind, though. Have you tasted the crust of their deep-dish pizza? *drools* That stuff is to die for.

Then, I went home. I watched Get Smart until 1 in the morning. When midnight came, I paused the movie, jumped on the sofa for a minute, then sat back down and continued watching.

How about you guys?