Tuesday, May 31, 2011

I would tell you I'm a ninja, but ninjas never tell you they are ninjas. It's part of their ninja-ness. So I'm NOT a ninja

Nope.  I am clearly not a ninja at all.  In the slightest.  Everyone knows that ninjas never say they are ninjas.  IF you say you are a ninja, it means you are really not a ninja.  Because ninjas will never reveal their identity.

That's why I'm totally NOT a ninja.

But I acted like one this weekend.  Long Island, New York, to visit family over Memorial Day weekend.

First, came the epic games of Ninja.  You know, the game.  The one that you play.  Yeah, that one.  My brother and I played it.  First, we played in the front yard.  He beat me in like five seconds.
But we kept playing and after like half an hour, I finally killed one of his hands!
And then while I was rejoicing and celebrating he beat me.

Did I mention my brother is strong, like strong?  As in, he takes pride in the fact that if you try to punch him (which I do.  I'm not mean, I just see a lot of Volkswagon Buggies), it will guaranteed hurt you more than it hurts him.  Which can be annoying sometimes.

But Ninja on the ground was too boring.  Blah.  So we took it a step up and went to the local park, which they have all around in dense suburbia.

Speaking of suburbia, awesome APUSH quote today:
"How do you expect me to draw white suburbia?" - Claudia
Basically, we were designing an emblem for our presidential candidate and tried to...never mind.  Ignore me.

Anyway, we went to the playground.  First, I got to learn Parkour!  Which is basically learning how to climb and jump on things and it looks cool.  Watch this video to see cool people do it a hell of a lot better than I will ever be able to, ever.

Then, we played Ninja.  Not normal Ninja.  High-stakes Ninja atop the monkey bars.  See diagram.
It was difficult, but I did not fall.  I lost many many times, but i survived with all appendages intact.  I even won a few times!  Happy day.

Finally, we also did circus in the park.  On Long Island, the parks become the nighttime teenage hangout.  My brother contact juggled, and I would like you to his awesome YouTube videos, but the whole Internet safety things and blah.  And I normal juggled, which I can't do very well but I am trying to learn.  We also did some partner acro stuff, which is basically when I get to climb around on him and look pretty.

We attracted the attention of a gaggle of teenage girls, who came over and started swooning over my brother as soon as they had established I was his sister and not his girlfriend.  It was actually highly amusing, because he had no interest in them other than he liked the attention.  It was, again, very hilarious.

Anything else?  Oh yes, Happy late Memorial Day.  I honor all the veterans and members of the armed forces.  *Salute*

Monday, May 23, 2011

Damn, Rapture was epic

There were trolls and lions, and seas of acidic raccoons.  I saw a golden man on fire and killed a guy with a trident.  Then, a large wave of purple antifreeze swept over the land, turning all the staple guns into real guns.  The carpenters went to war with the miners, and there was a large collapse in the mine tunnel, which left a sinkhole a few hundred miles wide and deep in the middle of Washington D.C.

Then I woke up in heaven, and realized I'd been ascended.  I looked around in wonder.  It looked a lot like my bedroom, except that someone had opened my curtains, blinding me with light which I assumed to be the wonder of God.  But then I blinked and God became a ray of sunlight that started hurting my eyes, so I looked away.  I hadn't been ascended, because the apocalypse is a myth.  Why?  Because "apocalypse" rhymes with "velociraptor" and therefore there won't be an apocalypse until I finish my mad scientific studies to bring velociraptors back to life.  Except it won't be like Jurassic Park.  Instead of having people pay money to look at them, I'll send them out as a team of highly trained ninja assassins.  And life will be good.

I'm waiting for that day.  I promise.  Everyone thinks I'm crazy, but just they wait, I'll show them.

Friend: Why are you so obsessed with velociraptors?  Is this like your ninja obsession from last year?

Me: Of course not.  I wanted to be a ninja.  Now, I want to have pet velociraptors.  There's a big difference.

Friend: But both ways you're a bit obsessed with the idea.

Me: But I'm not as obsessed with ninjas anymore.  I figure once I get my velociraptors, they'll be my trained ninjas too.  Then I'm all set.

Friend: ...

Me: I mean, wouldn't you want a pet velociraptor?  I thought so.

Friend: I prefer triceratops.

Me: What?  They're so...un-vicious.  They sit around and much grass all day.  Lazy bums.  What, they have big horns?  That's special.  Sarcasm hand.

Friend: Wow, you just totally insulted my dinosaur.  Now I won't let you meet him.

Me: Wait, what?  No!  I want to meet him!

Friend: Sorry.  Missed your chance.

Me: Rawr.

Now if only Rapture had some dinosaurs.  Now that would be epic.  My brother got a t-shirt with dinosaurs wielding light sabers. You have no freaking idea how jealous I was.
This is not a velociraptor, because velociraptors are far more epic, and their epicness goes well beyond my drawing ability.  Any drawing I attempted would be a failure to convey the extents of their epicness.  So I just drew a normal dinosaur instead.

Saturday, May 21, 2011

So we're all going to die today, huh? What happened to 12-21-12?

So this will be my last blog post ever.  How depressing.

I honestly don't really get this Rapture stuff.  Seems so random.  Who gets the power to decide when the world will end?
I predict it will end on May 4, 2086.  Two hundred years after the Haymarket Square Bombing in 1886.  Just because.  Look!  I'm an apocalypse predictor!

This cartoon from xkcd pretty much sums up my views on this Rapture stuff:
Tomorrow, we will all look back and laugh.  The same thing will happen on December 22, 2012.  I mean, honestly, if the Mayans were such good predictors they should have seen the Spanish coming.
But whatever, I've already written a post about the Mayans.  See?  This is getting pathetic.  There are already so many apocalypse predictions that I've written 2 posts about them withing the 5 months of each other.  This is getting ridiculous.  Seriously people.

Oh well.  I could just go out and kill a few dozen people, then this won't even affect me, right?

UPDATE: So I Google-News'd this and apparantly, 6 PM has already happened in Europe.  Either no one in the Eastern hemisphere is worthy of ascension, or this is really pathetic and humans are stupid and guillible.  Guess which I'm betting for?

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

I bet my parents hoped they'd never have to pick me up from the police station...

It would have been better if I'd called from the police station phone.  I used my cell phone, but it had the same effect, in the end.

"Hey, mom...yeah, I'm at the police station...I need you to pick me up..."

I was at the police station.  The whole thing was just freaky.  No, I was not getting arrested.  I was reporting someone.  No idea if it was a crime or not but our late bus driver was being freaky.  As in, possibly high/drunk.  Not knowing where he was, not knowing which was right or left, not knowing how to read a speedometer, asking a kid to drive the bus for him.  It was actually really scary, so a girl who lives near me and I got off in the center of town because we were scared to be on the bus with him.  Her mom recommended we tell the police, so we did.

Speaking of which, interrogation rooms in the police headquarters are scary.  Dim lighting, cement floor, the whole deal.  We weren't even being interrogated, we just used the room because it had enough chairs.

Regardless, let's talk about something happier.
Dead fingers?
Would gloves without fingers be mittens or socks?
Why do we have toes?
I do not mean to pry, but do you happen to have six fingers on your right hand?

My life is boring.  I'm reduced to quoting movies I already quote waaaayyy too much and my friends make fun of me for it.  I argued with my friend today over whether Darren Criss can sing or not.  I hope she was kidding because I might disown her or something.  I think she compared his vocal abilities to a narwhal.

Is that a compliment?  I've never heard a narwhal sing.
OH! Random tangent.  My friend told me today that her friend is class president at a nearby high school and proposed adopting a school narwhal instead of having prom.  I fully support that!  Note to self: suggest to student council.
...except my friends love those kind of dancy things and would probably shoot me.  I like them too, but GUYS!  It's a freaking NARWHAL for crying out loud.
I could go into a whole new spiel about how Unicorn and Whale hooked up (Unicorn went behind Hippo's back - even though she had already had a child with him, Rhino) that one romantic night in Bermuda, and Narwhal was the result.  And how he was so ashamed of his mother's infidelity that he moved far away from the site if conception - up to the North Atlantic.
But I won't.  You already know about the Fork/Spoon debacle, you probably don't need the details of Unicorn's *ahem* intimate life.

AUGH! I just realized I went on a random tangent again.  People, this is not looking bright.  Pray for my mental sanity.  And blame my APUSH teacher.  Here's our theory:
He's a ginger.  So, by default, he has no soul.  But he wasn't happy with that, so he had taken all of his student's souls so he is not alone in his suffering.  That is why I am slowly dying.  By the end of the year my soul will have been completely sucked away.
Hmm...maybe he's a Dementor.  Though he doesn't obtain our souls by kissing...Oh God that's a freaky thought.  Save me.  My mind is dying, it's clear.  Ah.

Monday, May 16, 2011

Funny how Relay for Life gets me feeling like a zombie

Relay for Life: last night about half the school goes to the fields to walk around the track to raise money to support cancer research.

...I almost accidentally wrote "support cancer" but caught myself.  Last week my friend was selling bracelets for child abuse awareness.  She told us to buy one to "support child abuse!"

Just a heads up, by the way: the post is not going to be coherent.  It will be me rambling about things that have nothing to do with each other.  Sleep deprivation causes me to believe that spoons are somehow, inexplicably linked to the square root of 429.  Therefore, if I'm doing my math homework, I might end up with a story about how Spoon and Fork hooked up in Vegas that one night and that's how we ended up with Spork.  Then, Spork met a beautiful girl, Foon, who he did not know was actually a result of Spoon and Fork's adventures in Cancun.  Spork and Foon hooked up without knowing they were siblings, and their kid was mutated beyond repair.  His name was Grapefruit Spoon.

Does anyone not see how loopy I am?  I'm like 4 paragraphs in and haven't even talked about Relay for Life yet.  I need a timer.  Or a trained giraffe to slap me when I go on random tangents.
 Hey, people.  This is weird, because you don't actually know that this is a different me.  I practically fell asleep at my keyboard when writing this on Saturday, and decided to finish the post later.  I'm significantly more alive right now and might actually sound halfway coherent.

Okay...I will now finally talk about Relay For Life *applause*

So...it was really fun.  My first time ever.  I have a personal tie to this stuff, because a lot of relatives I know have had/are currently fighting cancer.
Anyway, so we walked around the track all night.  And stayed up all night.  A few notable moments...

We couldn't set up the tent.  My team is so freaking pathetic that our tent died.  In the process of setting it up I pinched that little piece of skin between my thumb and forefinger.  You know, the stuff that HURTS A LOT when it gets pinched?  And broke a nail.  Poor me, a teenage girl bemoaning my broken nail.  And I'm a Girl Scout.  I'm supposed to be able to do these things.

We had food.  I met Sam that day but she became my new best friend because she brought food.  Cheesecake.  And Whipped Cream.  I love whipped cream.  My mother refuses to buy it because "it's bad for you", so this forces me to consume it in excessive proportions whenever I can.  My friends appeared to think it was strange to squirt in into your hand and devour it.  We also tried putting it on pizza, but that wasn't as good as we thought it would be.

We played Catchphrase.  It's sort of like a combination of Taboo and Hot Potato.  Look it up.  It'll take too long to explain.  But basically, our campsite somehow ended up right next to the history teachers' team.  My APUSH teacher himself, speak of the devil.  So our team invaded their campsite with our soccer chairs and challenged them to a duel.  To the death.  So we played Catchphrase for almost 2 hours   They beat us 3 games to 2, but all the games were really close.  We've challenged them to a rematch.  It is still pending.

Anyway, my team raised almost $2000.  Go team!  And our school was one of the top something in the country.  ...Top ten? ...Top 25?  No idea.  Something good though.  Yay!  Though I think the Relay needed more giraffes.  My pet giraffe Westley (the one who slaps me when I go on random tangents) was quite lonely.

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

A journey of a thousand awards and fame and awesomeness and fantasticism begins with one award

Because someone is awesome and amazing, Lola gave me a blog award.  As I mentioned briefly in the title, this award is clearly a sign of my soon-to-be rise to fame and fortune.  I would thank all the awesome people in my life for supporting me and stuff, but sometimes I like to hog the glory.  I'm like fluorine, the most electronegative element, who hogs all the electrons when it bonds.  I often don't like being in the spotlight, but this award is too awesome.

Ok, let's cut to the chase.  THIS is my award, the Overlord Award.  Be jealous.
Being granted the privilege of being supreme ruler-dictator-monarch-queen-awesome person-winner allows me to decide 3 rules that I would like to change:

  1. Anyone who misuses "they're", "their", or "there" or "to", "two", and "too" will be sentenced to dark and unhappy dungeons.
  2. All sentences spoken to me must begin with either "Your Royal Awesomeness..." or "Darren Criss is calling on line 2."
  3. Everyone just lost the game.
And now, to pass on this prestigious award to my fellow awesome-ers.

Give Up Sex or Dinosaurs? because she gave it to me, and I like to return favors.  Plus, I love her blog.
Ohmygoodnessgraciousgosh because of awesome pictures and a title that took me 3 tries to spell correctly.
Almost out of Ink because I wish I could draw that well.

If you are furious that I forgot you and wish to express your anger, leave me a note in the comments.  I will read it, cackle, and remind you I just got the Overlord Award.  WIN

Friday, May 6, 2011

I feel so free!

Wow, I'm actually pretty proud of this here piece of artwork.  It took time, skill, dedication, and pure sweat.  But I could do it.  You know why?

The AP Exam is OVER

Today was a beautiful day once it got past 12 noon.  I'm now legally bound not to discuss it for 48 hours, so let's just rejoice in it's over-ness.

And look forward to the days of 40-page essays that my teacher historically assigns after the exam.

But let's not think about that!  Today I ate ice cream and read a book (the first one in several weeks that wasn't my APUSH textbook!)

I even got a cake to celebrate.  If you can't read it, it says "APUSH piece of cake"

This is how I studied for APUSH.  I sit in the middle.
And just to celebrate, here's a few other pictures I've been stockpiling on my phone:
A ceramic dinosaur!!!  My sister made it for me, how awesomely cool is that!!!

A sign I put up in my bathroom to give a friendly tip to my sister.  You'll notice it's almost the same as my comment message.  That's because you can put anything into the third line and it's a multi-purpose poem.  I highly recommend using it often.
Another sign I put in the bathroom.

Monday, May 2, 2011

I figured out why relationships have "chemistry" if the people are meant for each other

EVERYTHING in relationships connects to chemistry.  I figured this out the other day when I had an epiphany in chem.  It all makes sense now!

Each atom is a person.  Atoms are all different elements, and the element that you are determines your personality type (physical and chemical properties).  Some atoms lose electrons when they bond,  and gain a positive charge.  These are called cations, and they are the girls.  Because girls are often described as "catty".  An guys are the ones that gain electrons, having a negative charge, called anions.  "Anion" reminds me of "onion" and it seems fitting because I hear guys can sometimes make you cry.

This is when the atoms form a relationship.  A normal metal-nonmetal bond is when electrons are tranfered and the cation and anion bond.  There are also covalent bonds, when two nonmetals bond, and a metallic bond, when two metals bond.  These would be gay and lesbian couples.  Transgendered atoms are the metalloids, because they have some properties of metals and some of nonmetals.  Polyatomic compounds are polygamists.

Atoms bond together based on several things.  The first thing they notice is physical appearance, that is, how many valence electrons do they have and whether that is compatible with themselves.  If a guy knows he only gets along with girls with green eyes, he's not going to pay much romantic attention to a girl with brown eyes.  If an atom has the wrong number of valence electrons that don't match up with yours, they generally don't bond.  The Noble Gases, who have a full outer shell of valence electrons, almost never bond (except Xenon occasionally).  These atoms are asexual and don't look to form any sort of relationship.
This is when bond are polar.
Could you have guess that yourself?  Good job!  I like being the one to point out the obvious.
Polar means that one atom in the compound pulls the electrons closer to it than the other atoms, thus creating an unequal sharing of electrons and giving one part of the compound a slightly negative charge, and the other a slightly positive charge.  This has to do with something called electronegativity, which I won't get into.  But nonmetals (guys) are the most electronegative on the periodic table.

Do you think that's true?  Who is more controlling in a relationship - the girl or guy?  I think it can go either way, so this is one situation in which the periodic table hasn't proved to be totally accurate.  (By the way, in covalent and metallic bonds, they are almost never polar.  Apparently gay couples generally don't have one clearly dominant portion)

In atoms, there is something called the "octet rule" that basically says that atoms bond because they are driven by the determination to have 8 valence electrons in their outer shell, to gain full stability.   This is one place where I don't fully trust my chem teacher, because how do we know what atoms want?  On that note, how can atoms "want" anything considering they have no brain and are nothing but a non-sentient pile of subatomic particles?  There is no "want".

But anyway, there is a connection to real relationships in this.  Too often, people are looking for a relationship because they need someone to "complete" them, like the atoms.  I have factual evidence for this statement in a song by the queen of pop culture: Katy Perry

"I finally found you
My missing puzzle piece
I'm complete"
                                 --Teenage Dream

But this is so totally not true.  Relationships are formed by two whole people and you are looking for someone to compliment you, NOT complete you.  This is a connection in which we are similar to chemistry, but we shouldn't be, because when the person "completes" you, that just leads to dominance in the relationship, and polarity (see above).

So basically, the whole point of this is, if you're ever in doubt of what to do in a relationship, turn to the Periodic Table for advice!  It's always there to provide love and support, even if your bond partner was broken apart from you.