If water guns are any indicator, I should be kept far away from any sort of weaponry

I have decided what to spend my Amazon gift card on. I got it for Christmas and have spent the last 20 or whatever days scouring Amazon for epic things to buy. I've made lists, pro/con tables, pie charts, bar graphs, and spent many hours deliberating on this very important question - if you had $20 and could buy anything (I swear, Amazons sells EVERYTHING), what would you buy?

Well, I've finally come to a conclusion. I'm buying a marshmallow gun.

I'm not sure if this is the wisest choice for someone like me, who only realized last week that Hershey's kisses are nothing but large chocolate chips. Whenever my sister and I would play with water guns as kids, one of us would end up in tears. It's not our fault. We just played a slightly more vicious game of water-gun hide-and-seek than other children.

And then we got the laser guns. They're like the ones in LazerZone, except you don't need a stupid outfit. you just shoot each other's guns with invisible laser beams. Pretty epic. Except...they also came with mini-missiles to fire at people.

I'm sorry, okay!! I wasn't aiming for her face!!

And then there was that time when we toured Fort Sumter in Charleston, SC. First, you should know that I'm part monkey. I'm rather obsessed with climbing on things. Like Civil War-era cannons, for instance.
It didn't go off, luckily, but I think it was a close call. I doubt they would have been pleased if it had. I mean, the place is already destroyed, and the museum people wouldn't have appreciated it if it had been doubly blown up.

...it would have been kind of cool, though. They would have talked about me at the museum. "And then, our lovely monument was blown sky-high by some crazy teenager who thought the cannon was a trampoline."

Despite my history with weaponry, I'm buying myself a gun that shoots marshmallows across the room. Can you name anything more epic? Yeah, I thought not.