Thursday, December 30, 2010

Sayings That No Longer Work

There are some sayings in our lovely English language that are a bit outdated. You've gotta wonder, what on Earth were the guys who coined these things thinking??

Look, dudes. I know in your time, during the Dark Ages or something, you were pretty cool. I bet you thought you were pretty special, making up these sayings that people can quote to make themselves sound smart. I bet they were supposed to be deep and metaphorical things of beauty.

Hate to break it ya, guys, but it didn't work out.

Power Corrupts, Absolute Power Corrupts Absolutely
It sounds nice, but really? I don't understand how anyone can be religious and still believe in that. Who has absolute power? God. But God is not corrupt. God is nice and forgiving and benevolent. Luckily. As for nonreligious people, it still doesn't work, because, for example, I have absolute power over my pet rock, Westley, and I haven't gone all corrupt and killed him. Yet.

A Watched Pot Never Boils
Um, yes it does. I've tested this one. Completely false. LIES, I tell you!


Rome Wasn't Built In A Day
Yeah? How do you know? Were you there?

Money Doesn't Grow On Trees
What if I'm an Aztec? They used cocoa beans as money. Guess where cocoa beans grow, smart one?

Sticks And Stones Can Break My Bones, But Words Can Never Hurt Me
Yeah? Tell that to a verbal abuse victim.

The Early Bird Catches the Worm
This is irrelevant because people hate getting up early. And why would I want to catch worms, anyway?


An Apple A Day Keeps The Doctor Away
My big problem with this is that I keep thinking it's referring to Doctor Who, and all I can think is, "why would I want to keep Doctor Who away? I love him!"

There's Always More Fish in the Sea
Not if BP killed them all.

The Pen is Mightier Than the Sword
Yeah? Here, I'll attack you with this sword, and you defend yourself with that pen.
(You're cheating if you use Percy Jackson's pen, Riptide)

5 comments:

  1. Percy Jackson Percy Jackson Percy Jackson! :D

    ...Sorry.

    Percy Jackson! *sighs dreamily and pines for Percy Jackson* I'm hopeless.

    Anyway! I enjoyed this post very much as well. :) The last picture was my favorite. Oh, and did you know that according to a website I recently read, an apple a day still leaves you 2.4-servings short of your daily fruit recommendations? (Not that I have anything against apples. They're delicious. <3 But yeah, bananas are very...unique. :P)

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  2. I love you.
    Not you, but what you post. Thanks for making me smile.:)

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  3. OMG I love percy jackson! and doctor who! seriously though, hilarious post

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  4. You're hilarious and amazing, but...
    "An Apple A Day Keeps The Doctor Away
    My big problem with this is that I keep thinking it's referring to Doctor Who, and all I can think is, 'Why would I want to keep Doctor Who away? I love him!'"
    You can't keep "Doctor Who" away, not if you're referring to the man and not the show, you can only keep "the Doctor" away.

    ReplyDelete

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