Sayings That No Longer Work

There are some sayings in our lovely English language that are a bit outdated. You've gotta wonder, what on Earth were the guys who coined these things thinking??

Look, dudes. I know in your time, during the Dark Ages or something, you were pretty cool. I bet you thought you were pretty special, making up these sayings that people can quote to make themselves sound smart. I bet they were supposed to be deep and metaphorical things of beauty.

Hate to break it ya, guys, but it didn't work out.

Power Corrupts, Absolute Power Corrupts Absolutely
It sounds nice, but really? I don't understand how anyone can be religious and still believe in that. Who has absolute power? God. But God is not corrupt. God is nice and forgiving and benevolent. Luckily. As for nonreligious people, it still doesn't work, because, for example, I have absolute power over my pet rock, Westley, and I haven't gone all corrupt and killed him. Yet.

A Watched Pot Never Boils
Um, yes it does. I've tested this one. Completely false. LIES, I tell you!

Rome Wasn't Built In A Day
Yeah? How do you know? Were you there?

Money Doesn't Grow On Trees
What if I'm an Aztec? They used cocoa beans as money. Guess where cocoa beans grow, smart one?

Sticks And Stones Can Break My Bones, But Words Can Never Hurt Me
Yeah? Tell that to a verbal abuse victim.

The Early Bird Catches the Worm
This is irrelevant because people hate getting up early. And why would I want to catch worms, anyway?

An Apple A Day Keeps The Doctor Away
My big problem with this is that I keep thinking it's referring to Doctor Who, and all I can think is, "why would I want to keep Doctor Who away? I love him!"

There's Always More Fish in the Sea
Not if BP killed them all.

The Pen is Mightier Than the Sword
Yeah? Here, I'll attack you with this sword, and you defend yourself with that pen.
(You're cheating if you use Percy Jackson's pen, Riptide)