Saturday, December 11, 2010

Holiday Cheers

I'll try not to mention the C-word in this post. Being politically correct is important, of course, so it would be very bad to refer to this time of year as anything but "holiday season". I will call the holiday coming up six days before the end of this month as "That-Holiday-Starting-With-A-'C'-That-I-Can't-Say-Because-That-Would-Be-Mixing-Religion-Into-Other-Things-And-I-Don't-Want-To-Offend-Anyone", or just The-Holiday-Which-Must-Not-Be-Named for short.

I celebrate You-Know-What. My mom got into our tree the day after Thanksgiving, for [insert-deity-of-your-choice]'s sake! We went out and hacked the feet off of a large evergreen shrubbery and tied it to the top of a large contraption that moves on it own thanks to multiple small explosions occurring right near you every second.

You know it's this time of year when two days after Thanksgiving there are large ornaments the size of basketballs hanging from the ceiling in the kitchen and any anti-holiday sentiment warrants an accusation of being called a "grinch", "scrooge", "grinch-scrooge", "weirdo", or "platypus".

I need to go shopping to get presents for all my relatives, friends, family, and pets. I only have one pet. My pet rock, Westley.

On a different note, I always find this a funny time of year. Jewish kids get presents on Hanukkah (forgive me if I butchered the spelling there) because their parents don't want them to feel left out because Christian kids get You-Know-What presents. But Christmas is supposed to be Jesus's birthday. Even though Jesus was technically born in March, back in the day they changed it to December, to make it easier to convert people. They already celebrated the winter solstice at that time, so it's easier to change the course of a holiday than make a new one.

Speaking of changing the course of a holiday, it has been. This is no longer about religion, it's about presents and Santa. I read a story about a kid in church who was asked whose birthday was on Dec. 25. The kid replied, "Santa Claus".

What is our world coming to?

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