What is Halloween, really?

Halloween. ah, how we love you so. The only much-anticipated day between Labor Day and Thanksgiving. And who really cares about Labor Day except as a day off of school?

But who here actually knows what Halloween is?
Since I can't actually see you, because this is a computer screen and my spy cameras are temporarily disabled, I will assume that no one is raising their hands, and continue with my definitions of Halloween.

1. All Hallows Eve/All Saint's Eve
The day before All Saint's Day, according to Christians. How boring.
"Come on, let's go pick out our costumes for All Saint's Eve!" Yeah, right.

2. An Excuse To Pig Out On Candy
Don't deny it, we all use this. "But Mom, it's Halloween! I'm supposed to be eating candy!" Personally, I think this is the most important reason to have this holiday.

3. DID Appreciation Day
Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) is a condition in which people display multiple distinct identities. I'm guessing that this is where the whole dressing-up-as-something-else thing came from, and Halloween was started as an appreciation day for this disorder.

4. Anti Stranger Danger
Maybe it was started as a rebellion against Stranger Danger programs. You know its true. What other day of the year can you accept candy from strangers? Just don't go helping them look for lost puppies.


5. Therapy For Serial Killers
This isn't isn't about the holiday as much as the strange practice of carving pumpkins. I'm guessing that this started as a rehabilitation for knife murderers.
"We need to get the negative energy out of them, but we don't want them actually hurting people. I know! Let's let them stab some pumpkins!"

What do you think is the meaning of Halloween?