A Few Crazy Conversation Snippets

#1

[In the car.  Katy Perry's "Firework" comes on the radio]

Katy Perry: "Do you ever feel like a plastic bag, drifting through the wind, wanting to start again?"

Mom: What a weird analogy.  No, I can't say I've ever felt like a plastic bag.

[An hour later, at Stop&Shop]

Cashier: Would you like paper or plastic bag?

Mom: Plastic please.

Me: You mean, you feel like a plastic bag today?

#2

[At checkout at Target]

Sister: I wish I had a pet polar bear.

Me: That was random.

Sister: But I do, ya know? ...hey! You could get me a pet polar bear when you go to Alaska this summer!

Me: There are no polar bears left in Alaska.  Sarah Palin shot them all.

Cashier: Right you are.

#3

This one is best described in prose.  So I was walking down the hall at school when I go by this couple locking a fierce game of tonsil hockey.  Whatever.  A few seconds later, I hear a voice behind me.  I turn to see this tiny freshman girl ranting at the couple.  I hear a snippets like, "OMG thats so disgusting, why are you doing that in the hall?" and "I mean, seriously, it gross, and no one wants to see it, okay?".  It's all I can do not to burst out laughing right there.  Way to go freshman girl for saying whats on your mind.  It made my day.

Sharing is Caring

...which is why I am sharing this absolutely beautiful screenshot with you all today.  Except I edited it out to hide my name (because I'm logged in to Gmail) and all my weird bookmarks.
This is why Google hates us.

Excellent "Missing" Signs

Disclaimer: I didn't take these photos.  I wish, though! :D
Source: Bizarre Signs

I do enjoy stating the obvious.  High-five to this person.

Yes, I can be obsessed about ninjas sometimes.  Don't judge.

I wish I had a pet cloud named Mr. Wisples...

What's with all the self esteem songs?

I"m a huge fan of self-esteem.  Don't get me wrong.  I'm not annoyed by aforementioned self-esteem songs.  Just curious.  What started this self-esteem craze in the music industry?

Most of you are probably slamming your heads on the screen in frustration, wondering what the hell I'm talking about.  So, recently I noticed a trend: a ton of songs by popular artists focus on self-esteem and inner beauty.

I think it all started with good ol' Bruno Mars.  Just The Way You Are is a great song about a guy who loves his girlfriend no matter what she looks like.  The kind of thing we all want to hear, right?  It makes you feel nice and warm and fuzzy inside.

"When I see your face

There's not a thing that I would change

Cause you're amazing

Just the way you are"

Next up, comes Katy Perry with Firework, a fabulous song comparing feeling lonely to feeling like a plastic bag.  Yep.  That's Katy Perry for ya.  But it's the thought that counts, right?

"You don't have to feel like a waste of space

You're original, cannot be replaced

If you only knew what the future holds

After a hurricane comes a rainbow"

Right up next is P!nk, or P-exclamation point-nk, as I refer to her, with Perfect (clean version).  It's typical Pink music, but the lyrics are, well, self-esteemy.

"Pretty, pretty please

If you ever, ever feel

Like you’re nothing

You are perfect to me"

And finally, Lady Gaga gets in on the happy-song bandwagon with Born This Way, and I really do love that song.  I'm usually meh about Lady Gaga, her songs are decent and catchy but I don't love them, but I do like Born This Way a lot.  Don't know why.  Just because.
It's not only self-esteemy but also tolerance-promoting.  She sticks in some lines about racial and gay tolerance, which I think is great.  Maybe hearing it from her will help spread tolerance.
Though I do want to point out how much Lady Gaga sounds like Madonna.  When I first heard this song on the radio, I totally thought it was Madonna.  Strange.

"I'm beautiful in my way,

'Cause God makes no mistakes

I'm on the right track, baby

I was born this way

Don't hide yourself in regret,

Just love yourself and you're set

I'm on the right track, baby

I was born this way"

I was debating whether to throw Sara Bareilles' "King of Anything" in, but I;m not sure if it quite fits the pattern.  Maybe...

And that ends all the popular songs I can think of that are following the self-esteem route.  Let me know if I missed any.  Maybe later we can talk about all the marriage songs.  I mean, Bruno Mars, Train, anyone?

Just Killed Multitudes of Brain Cells

I don't know what got into my - some strange urge driving me to watch the song that everyone has been bashing.  Yes, you know the one: Friday, by Rebecca Black.

Everyone else on the Interweb has already stabbed this song to pieces with blunt coat hangers, then charred the remnants on a gas grill and left it out for the raccoons, so there's not much I can say about this song's atrocity that you haven't already heard.  Did she really think I wasn't sure that Thursday came before Friday, or Sunday came after Saturday?  Why is it so hard to choose a seat in the car?  Why is there a car anyway, if they're in like middle school?  But I won't go on, though I could for hours.  This song is just wrong.  It shouldn't even exist, it's so terrifyingly horrible.

This is the kind of thing that makes me fear for the fate of humanity.

I'm not Irish, but you can kiss me anyway

Seriously.

But yes, today is the excellent day devoted to St. Patty.  He is Irish.  And a saint.  And likes the color green.  And that's about all I know.

Actually, I don't know much about the Irish in general either....I will list all the facts I know about the Irish.  Here:

• They like the color green
• They are short and have red beards, and give away gold at the ends of rainbows
• They once had a notable lack of potatoes
• They like beer
• They dislike the Brits
• They have a Boston basketball team named after them

Any Irish readers out there, I wouldn't mind a couple Irish facts to add to my collection!
Today is the day to honor the Irish.  We all wear green.  We might do other things too, but I don't know what they are.  I'm not Irish, remember?  I just used toady as an excuse to wear my fantastic bright neon green tank top.  And some green bead necklaces that I borrowed from my friend.
Other than that, I can't recall anything that made today very Irish-y.  What a ripoff.

P.S.  To see an amazing, beautiful Venn Diagram depicting my feelings on this holiday click this link right here.
P.P.S.  On a very random note, I wonder who Mr. Venn is, the one who invented Venn Diagrams.  I'd like to meet him sometime, he seems like an interesting guy.

Has made dinosuar cookies

So my sister and I made some dinosaur cookies the other day.  We found these dinosaur-shaped cookie cutters in the back of the closet - I couldn't resist!  These go way high up there on my list of dinosaur things I love.  I LOVE the Kraft dinosaur-shaped mac n cheese, but those have to be eaten by the spoonful.  Dinosaur cookies, on the other hand, can be made to fight each other while slowly being devoured limb by limb.  This is best when you follow my example and add sound effects as well.  It is extremely rewarded to be growling and munching cookies while having they attack each other.  I highly recommend the experience.

It got me thinking about dinosaurs.  I mean, why are there no more left?  Clearly, natural selection is cruel, because dinosaurs are far cooler than chipmunks or snakes or whatever we currently have.  If you think about it, natural selection is pretty smart.  It gave us platypi and bananas and turtles.  Clearly, it has good judgment, and would have left the dinosaurs for us.  Which leaves the idea that...

Pickles Will Kill You

The truth has been revealed about the murderous nature of pickles.
Not by me.  I didn't write this.  I "borrowed" it from this website.

Every pickle you eat brings you closer to death.  Amazingly, the "thinking man" has failed to grasp the terrifying significance of the term, "in a pickle." Pickles are associated with all the major diseases of the body. Eating them breeds wars and communism.  They can be related to most airline tragedies.  Auto accidents are caused by pickles.  There exists a positive relationship between crime waves and consumption of this fruit of the curcurbit family.  For example:

• Nearly all sick people have eaten pickles.  The effects are obviously cumulative. 
• 99.9% of all people who die from cancer have eaten pickles.
• 100% of all soldiers have eaten pickles. 
• 96.8% of all communist sympathizers have eaten pickles. 
• 99.7% of the people involved in air and auto accidents ate pickles within 14 days preceding the accident. 
• 93.1% of juvenile deliquents come from homes where pickles are served. 

Evidence points to long term effects of eating pickles:

• Of the people born in 1839 who later dined on pickles, there has been a mortality rate of 100%.
• All pickle eaters born between 1908 and 1918 have wrinkled skin, have lost most of their teeth, have brittle bones, and failing eyesight--if the ills of eating pickles have not already caused their death. 

Even more convincing is the report of a noted team of medical specialists:
Rats force-fed with 20 pounds of pickles per day for 30 days developed bulging abdomens.  Their appetites for wholesome food were destroyed.

In spite of all the evidence, pickles growers and packers continue to spread their evil.  More than 120,000 acres of fertile US soil are devoted to growing pickles.  Our per capita consumption is 4 pounds.

Eat orchid petal soup.  Practically no one has as many problems from eating orchid petal soup as they do from eating pickles.

Yes, I'm a Girl Scout. Don't Stereotype me!

So I spent the weekend on a Girl Scout ski trip in Vermont.  You know, that state above Massachusetts that looks like a trapezoid?  That's the one.  I hear they are famous for maple syrup.  Maybe something else too, but I forget.

Did you even read those sentences about me bashing Vermont?  Probably not, because you're still thinking, ZOMG, she's a GIRL SCOUT?? Like, those second graders that sell cookies door-to-door?  Wow, fail.

Well, you're wrong.  So ha.  I'm a Girl Scout, and we are awesome.  For example, view a sampling of our weekend activities:

Dance Party: Yep.  We blasted "Cha Cha Slide" and "Cotton Eye Joe" and got the entire house totally into it.  Fantastic.

Skiing: This was, ya know, the whole point of our weekend ski trip.  Some of the highlights were when my fellow Girl Scouts and I would ski down the slope with our poles straight up screaming/singing "I throw my hands up in the air sometimes..." - and got people to join in.
Not to mention that it was Mardi Gras weekend, and they were giving out those little colorful bead necklaces.  So we did what everyone was doing, and what any awesome teenager would do - tossed them in the trees on the way up the chairlift.


Ping-Dodge: This is like ping-pong, except slightly more vicious.  And when I say slightly, I mean very.  Basically, we all just chuck ping-pong balls at each other.  It only got dangerous when someone got the bright idea to throw the paddles as well.  We drew the line at pool balls, however.

Capture the Flag:  Your basic game except it was pitch back out, with no flashlights.  It was all well and good until a large wooden post fell on my sister.  You don't really want to know.

Food: We left a bag of M&Ms in the kitchen, and whenever we walked through we would grab a handful.

Don't you dare say that Girl Scouts are stupid.  Clearly, we had a more epic weekend then you did.  Deal with it, or I might "forget" to deliver your cookies.