I don't sleep very well on vacation

Because my sister is an octopus.

We are, more often than not, forced to share a bed. And by octopus, I mean flailing tentacles kind of thing.
Here is a picture of a fair bed arrangement. An ideal arrangement, of course, would be that I get the whole bed and she can sleep on the floor or something. But this diagram is what I consider fair sharing of our bed resources.

However, that is not the case. Next, I enclose a picture of the actual sleeping arrangement. See if you can guess which one is me.

Can you tell why I don't sleep well?

In other news, I got a blogger app on my phone. So if this post is messed up, that's why. Not because I'm incompetent. Don't blame me!

Ding-Dong Ditching with a twist

So I was inspired by Amy Krouse Rosenthal and John Green's videos on Positive pranking, and decided to trty it out myself.  My sister and I went to Stop & Shop and bought a box of Hostess Ding-Dongs.  Then, we attached notes to them, and "ding-dong ditched" some random strangers.  That is, we put attached an explanatory note to the Ding-Dong, left it on their porch, rang the doorbell, and bolted.

That's a Ding-Dong with a note on it.

Overall, the whole thing made me really happy.  I got to go around watching people discover food left on their front porch.  I really hope they enjoyed the gift.  It makes me feel good to think I might have made someone's day better.  I mean, my day would certainly be better if I discovered someone had left a Ding-Dong on my porch.

The only annoyance was when people weren't home and didn't answer the door.  We couldn't exactly leave chocolate covered food on their porch when it was a sunny day, so we had to go collect it and move on.  We started only targeting houses that had garage door open, because it meant they were almost definitely home.

I strongly suggest trying a "Positive Prank" yourself.

Am I really the only one who sees the resemblance?

This is the Puma logo:


So here's what I noticed: what if you turn the puma sideways?  Looks something like this:

Which, I think, looks something like a deranged monkey doing the Thriller dance.  This is my sister, who doesn't resemble the puma as much as I'd like, because she was pretty stubborn when I asked her to pose like a deranged monkey doing the Thriller dance.  But seriously, am I really the only one who sees what's going on here?

Well, the point of this post was to teach you that a new way to look at a puma logo.  Go forth and share the enlightenment with the world!

I enjoy messing with people

I went to the bank to get money the other day, and the bank teller guy asked me how I wanted the bills.  I said "Um...how about in two-dollar bills?"

He paused, and looked at me with a face vaguely resembling this:

But he didn't say anything, and proceeded to pull out a little official-looking envelope from a little cabinet, and counted out a whole bunch of $2 bills.  The other tellers sort of looked at him weirdly, and he didn't say anything, just handed me my stack of two-dollar bills.

Great.  My bank thinks I'm a freak.

But this doesn't matter, because I am dancing around with my fresh stack of two-dollar bills.  I love these things so much, for several reasons.

1) Sometimes, people don't know that you can just ask for them at a bank.  They think $2 bills are rare.  Therefore, if you're convincing enough, you can persuade your friends to buy them off you for $3 or so.  I haven't had any success yet, but I'm working on it.

2) My brother likes to spend them all the time because he says he's "trying to bring them back into circulation."  I love spending them too, but for a different reason.  First, the cashier always looks at me, and the bill, really weirdly.  In some cases, I've heard that cashiers vehemently accuse you of counterfeit (or just refuse it), because they don't believe there's such thing as a two-dollar bill.  Hasn't happened to me, though.  But here's my favorite part.  See, cash register have specific slots for different types of bills and coins, and they don;t have a $2 bill slot.  So their hand sort of hovers between the $1 and $5 slots, trying to figure out what to do with it.  It reminds me delightfully of the spork scene in Wall-E.

It makes me crack up every time.

So, we had some snow...

You know what the Nazca lines are?  They're these huge giant lines in the middle of Peru.  On the ground, they look something like this:

Not very impressive, right?  Just some dusty lines in the sand.  Well, these lines go on for miles and miles, and when you fly over them and look from above, they look like this:

Crazy, huh?  They were somehow made before the people were actually able to look at them, and make sure they looked right.  Impressive.

So anyways, my sister and I decided to make our own, reduced-size version of the Nazca lines in the snow.  Here's what we ended up with:

It doesn't look quite right because the photo is taken from our second-story bathroom.  We couldn't convince our mom to let us rent a helicopter to fly directly over it and take a proper picture.

I wonder if it can be seen by people in airplanes.  That would be SO COOL.

Buy your very own hipster, only $58

My sister got her very own hipster for Christmas!

Seriously, Vera Bradley makes a kind of purse called a hipster. My sister got one for Christmas.  All night, my brother and I were making hipster jokes.

"She's going to wear it ironically."

"She wore hipsters before it was cool."

"Normal purses are too mainstream."

And things of that nature.  I kind of want my own, just so I can tell people I have my very own personal hipster.  It stays by my side and carries my things for me.

The only problem is, Vera Bradley doesn't offer "vintage" or "ironic" patterns.

Updates and Damage Control

Yes, I am aware my dear lovely brother was here.  Luckily, I happened to sign up for a little thing in the sidebar, which, as the title tells you, gives me an annoying email whenever something gets posted.  Seems like a good idea now, so that I can know when "certain people" decide to go nosing around my stuff.  No worries, though, the other day I hired a ninja who may or may not be in his room tonight with a katana.  Don't tell him.

I'm also mad at him because we both ordered random TeeFury shirts, and he claimed the Firefly one while I'm stuck with some random thing with a scantily clothed robot woman on the front.  Arrrghhh.

I was away on vacation last week, and my brother didn't get to come because he sucks.  Just kidding, he went to a juggling festival instead and I'm jealous.  I spent a lovely week boating and swimming and fishing and cleaning fish (ick).  I won't go into details on that because I'm sure there are some vegetarians and things who may shoot me in the face.  I respect you, don't murder me please.  Mutual respect?

Anyways, I don't have much to say, considering I've spent the last week in The Middle Of Nowhere, NY.  I could go into details about fish and playing with cousins and how there are more fields up there than buildings and more Amish buggies than cars (okay, exaggeration.  There are some cars.  But still).

I think the best part of yesterday (the 6-hour car ride home) was when a guy told me I'm awesome and meant it(!)

I would tell you I'm a ninja, but ninjas never tell you they are ninjas. It's part of their ninja-ness. So I'm NOT a ninja

Nope.  I am clearly not a ninja at all.  In the slightest.  Everyone knows that ninjas never say they are ninjas.  IF you say you are a ninja, it means you are really not a ninja.  Because ninjas will never reveal their identity.

That's why I'm totally NOT a ninja.

But I acted like one this weekend.  Long Island, New York, to visit family over Memorial Day weekend.

First, came the epic games of Ninja.  You know, the game.  The one that you play.  Yeah, that one.  My brother and I played it.  First, we played in the front yard.  He beat me in like five seconds.
Blarg.
But we kept playing and after like half an hour, I finally killed one of his hands!
And then while I was rejoicing and celebrating he beat me.

Did I mention my brother is strong, like strong?  As in, he takes pride in the fact that if you try to punch him (which I do.  I'm not mean, I just see a lot of Volkswagon Buggies), it will guaranteed hurt you more than it hurts him.  Which can be annoying sometimes.

But Ninja on the ground was too boring.  Blah.  So we took it a step up and went to the local park, which they have all around in dense suburbia.

RANDOM TANGENT:
Speaking of suburbia, awesome APUSH quote today:
"How do you expect me to draw white suburbia?" - Claudia
Basically, we were designing an emblem for our presidential candidate and tried to...never mind.  Ignore me.

Anyway, we went to the playground.  First, I got to learn Parkour!  Which is basically learning how to climb and jump on things and it looks cool.  Watch this video to see cool people do it a hell of a lot better than I will ever be able to, ever.

Then, we played Ninja.  Not normal Ninja.  High-stakes Ninja atop the monkey bars.  See diagram.

It was difficult, but I did not fall.  I lost many many times, but i survived with all appendages intact.  I even won a few times!  Happy day.

Finally, we also did circus in the park.  On Long Island, the parks become the nighttime teenage hangout.  My brother contact juggled, and I would like you to his awesome YouTube videos, but the whole Internet safety things and blah.  And I normal juggled, which I can't do very well but I am trying to learn.  We also did some partner acro stuff, which is basically when I get to climb around on him and look pretty.

We attracted the attention of a gaggle of teenage girls, who came over and started swooning over my brother as soon as they had established I was his sister and not his girlfriend.  It was actually highly amusing, because he had no interest in them other than he liked the attention.  It was, again, very hilarious.

Anything else?  Oh yes, Happy late Memorial Day.  I honor all the veterans and members of the armed forces.  *Salute*

Yes, I'm a Girl Scout. Don't Stereotype me!

So I spent the weekend on a Girl Scout ski trip in Vermont.  You know, that state above Massachusetts that looks like a trapezoid?  That's the one.  I hear they are famous for maple syrup.  Maybe something else too, but I forget.

Did you even read those sentences about me bashing Vermont?  Probably not, because you're still thinking, ZOMG, she's a GIRL SCOUT?? Like, those second graders that sell cookies door-to-door?  Wow, fail.

Well, you're wrong.  So ha.  I'm a Girl Scout, and we are awesome.  For example, view a sampling of our weekend activities:

Dance Party: Yep.  We blasted "Cha Cha Slide" and "Cotton Eye Joe" and got the entire house totally into it.  Fantastic.

Skiing: This was, ya know, the whole point of our weekend ski trip.  Some of the highlights were when my fellow Girl Scouts and I would ski down the slope with our poles straight up screaming/singing "I throw my hands up in the air sometimes..." - and got people to join in.
Not to mention that it was Mardi Gras weekend, and they were giving out those little colorful bead necklaces.  So we did what everyone was doing, and what any awesome teenager would do - tossed them in the trees on the way up the chairlift.


Ping-Dodge: This is like ping-pong, except slightly more vicious.  And when I say slightly, I mean very.  Basically, we all just chuck ping-pong balls at each other.  It only got dangerous when someone got the bright idea to throw the paddles as well.  We drew the line at pool balls, however.

Capture the Flag:  Your basic game except it was pitch back out, with no flashlights.  It was all well and good until a large wooden post fell on my sister.  You don't really want to know.

Food: We left a bag of M&Ms in the kitchen, and whenever we walked through we would grab a handful.

Don't you dare say that Girl Scouts are stupid.  Clearly, we had a more epic weekend then you did.  Deal with it, or I might "forget" to deliver your cookies.

February Break has come to a close

February break is over and done with.  Blech.  I need more sleep.
Okay, you guys deserve a coherent post, even if I am very sleep-deprived.  I think it has something to do with being on a midnight to 10 sleep schedule and suddenly being forced to wake up at 6.
In addition, I would like to apologize for not posting over break.  You people deserve better.  Yes, I know, I had sooo much free time, I could have given you lots of the humorous awesomeness that you love (I hope).

But I didn't.

Why?  No idea.  But as an excuse, I will tell you that I was far too busy doing things to post.  This is an overview of my week, to prove I had absolutely no free time:

Saturday: Worked all day (I work at the library).
Sunday: Church.  Outline a chapter for APUSH (learn about the agricultural revolution of the late 1800s)
Monday: Outline another chapter (United States imperialism) and play Wii.
Tuesday: Dentist appointment.  Eye doctor appointment.  Outline another chapter (Progressivism)
Wednesday: Outline another chapter (President Wilson, start of WW1).  Play more Wii.  Brother comes home from college.
Thursday: Spend the day in Boston.  Hang out at Quincy Market, North End, all that fun stuff
Friday: Spend the day at my friend's house.  Meet her adorable puppy.  Film our video for French.  Lip-sync to Celine Dion.
Saturday: Take pictures for photography class.  Hang out.  Relax.
Sunday: Church.  Circus.  AUGH, end of vacation!!!

See?  I had absolutely no free time in which to grant you a post.  This is why this one is here.

The most interesting thing (besides Boston and friend's house) was my brother coming home from college.  He gave me some presents :)


The presents from my brother
1. All 52 episode of Magic School Bus, on DVD
2. An addiction to Minecraft
3. An introduction to Portal
4. Helpful hints while playing Portal
5. A bruise on my big toe
6. Course selection recommendations

"Severe Storm Warning"

Severe storm warnings have become my life this lovely winter. Honestly, the weatherman could just put an audio clip for "severe storm warning" on repeat, kick back and relax until April, and no one would ever know.

Personally, I think I would make a great weatherperson. Example broadcasts:
"Good morning, New England! We're having another severe storm warning today. This one, I promise, will be extra severe. No more sissy blizzards! We're in the big leagues now!"
"This storm is headed right for us. For those listeners in New England, you're smack in the middle of the No-way-you'll-survive-this zone.I suggest hibernating until spring comes. Stock up on mac n cheese."
"The groundhog died today when its underground burrow froze from excessive snow. It looks like this will mean six more years of winter."
"We've just received news that Boston has frozen over. Yes, that's right, I'm afraid the Patriots will not be present on Super Bowl Sunday. I think they're busy eating snowcones."

Us New Englanders are famous for being half-Eskimo in our abilities to survive these winters that make us wonder why the hell we even live in this frigid corner of the USA. We are proud of it. All the neighbors bow down to He Who Has Six Snowblowers. We brag about our shovel quality. We compare road salt brands.

But this is ridiculous. I read that we've gotten over six feet of total accumulation since Chritsmas. For those of you in warmer climates, "accumulation" means "a whole freakin' lot of snow is coming your way".

This is me at Christmas:

This is me in early January:

This is me in mid-January:

This is me right now:

And this is what I will look like by the end of this winter:

I wonder what we'll all do when the snow gets past our windows and doors and we're stuck in our houses for a few weeks. Luckily I have an emergency chocolate stash under my bed, just in case need be.

Global warming?? What global warming????

UPDATE:
At least this here church is helping us fight against the wrath of the snow:

If water guns are any indicator, I should be kept far away from any sort of weaponry

I have decided what to spend my Amazon gift card on. I got it for Christmas and have spent the last 20 or whatever days scouring Amazon for epic things to buy. I've made lists, pro/con tables, pie charts, bar graphs, and spent many hours deliberating on this very important question - if you had $20 and could buy anything (I swear, Amazons sells EVERYTHING), what would you buy?

Well, I've finally come to a conclusion. I'm buying a marshmallow gun.

I'm not sure if this is the wisest choice for someone like me, who only realized last week that Hershey's kisses are nothing but large chocolate chips. Whenever my sister and I would play with water guns as kids, one of us would end up in tears. It's not our fault. We just played a slightly more vicious game of water-gun hide-and-seek than other children.

And then we got the laser guns. They're like the ones in LazerZone, except you don't need a stupid outfit. you just shoot each other's guns with invisible laser beams. Pretty epic. Except...they also came with mini-missiles to fire at people.

I'm sorry, okay!! I wasn't aiming for her face!!

And then there was that time when we toured Fort Sumter in Charleston, SC. First, you should know that I'm part monkey. I'm rather obsessed with climbing on things. Like Civil War-era cannons, for instance.
It didn't go off, luckily, but I think it was a close call. I doubt they would have been pleased if it had. I mean, the place is already destroyed, and the museum people wouldn't have appreciated it if it had been doubly blown up.

...it would have been kind of cool, though. They would have talked about me at the museum. "And then, our lovely monument was blown sky-high by some crazy teenager who thought the cannon was a trampoline."

Despite my history with weaponry, I'm buying myself a gun that shoots marshmallows across the room. Can you name anything more epic? Yeah, I thought not.